the heart

Pretension is one thing I am not; I cannot hide nor dilute myself. I feel what I feel when I feel. This makes me sound like some liberated soul, but please do not be fooled. Being of such a nature I am sometimes  doused deep in unwanted feelings, feelings of deceit, a rush of anxiety from time to time. You see I am never simply alone, floating in my feelings, trying to counteract my thoughts; no this is not how life maneuvers me from feeling to feeling. I may be a consummate master at playing the lone wolf, but my skills tend to be limited at contriving ways of dealing with the next’s feelings. The problem comes when I, the mind and the lips are in agreement because we tend to be so consumed with our desires that we shutter the hearts of those that are gullible when the notion of love is in their view. I do not want to stumble into a sight where I see myself beweeping at my outcast state, a tragic state I led myself to. My joy is dependent on another’s smile, so it may seem that a new state I must explore, new vocabulary, and a fresh mindset I must adopt because as enthusiastic as I am about where I am right now, days are not as bright when the world grows tired of my care-“less”-free-ness. The greatest fear remains, that when the hearts I deviate from their paths, to keep me company on my way, will one day realize they are on foreign grazing land: they will rebel from my unconscious love and transcend into their true paths, while spreading words of my ways, leaving me transparent, naked and disagreeable to those that built a throne for me.

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