I don’t know you that well,I said no. It was inevitable, it happened at that moment. You decided to only tell me now, I had felt it that day. You smile every time you are in my presence, I never could really show it. Its okay to touch me, I don’t think it would have worked. I cannot because he is your friend.
‘I hope one day you read this’, words so familiar when one is letting go of someone that has their heart. Well I guess I started this with those words, but this is not really one of those. You were never my heart, I never got the chance to love you, maybe I had such a thought, but I never had the moment to even whisper those sweet nothings that some speak of. I’m just taken by your aura, I have always felt your spirit would be free in my presence. I hope you read this because I would feel so much at peace knowing that you are aware of my affections for you and though I do not love you, I simply adore you. I enjoy the words your voice delivers to my ears. I enjoy the honestly in your eyes, the truth in your expressions, the innocence in your walk and the gentleness of your embrace. You truly are a strong man, unaware of your beautiful attributes. I fear she may take you for granted, I fear she will take you for granted but I have faith you will find the joy you deserve. I pray you finally get to smile without worries, I know that day will require patience and heartache, but I know the day when that smile comes my way it will ignite in me a light that God wanted only it to. I speak of a smile as if I speak of some angel that’s going to fall on my path at a time of darkness, but who knows, maybe its because it will be yours. Your fragility brings out my strengths and reminds me of my weaknesses. We will never fully comprehend the influence we have had on each others lives, but those encounters will become part of monumental moments in our lives. It really seems like it doesn’t matter now, we were and never could be. You are complex, I could go on and on but all I hope is that with all of life’s ups and down you stay well and loved.
I have been bumping my head to Jullian Gome’s lovesong 28. Normally I can imagine the lyrics being about my life,imagine it being me and the boy I’m infatuated by, but right now I can’t seem to think of anyone who I can love the way I want to. It just seems weird to me.
Why do you concern yourself, they are unknowing of your powers. Like the peripheral, so important but cast out to live among the weeds and deadly surface. Maybe they are unaware because you choose to conform. Are they of your character, your caliber? They say a lion doesn’t bother himself with the words of the sheep so why do you bath in contention with yourself all to please those that follow the serpents of this world. Its obscene, uncharacteristic, a disgrace to who you are meant to be. You will return home, that I know. You cannot be swallowed by the world you are meant to save.
I feel like making love to you, I want to finally smile at you. I feel like basking in your presence, in ore of your strength,mesmerized by your tenacity, melting in you grip. I can’t wait to make love to you, go deep into your core. I can stand your burns, I’m refreshed by the earth that caves me in your base. I want it all, I want all of it, the dirt, drown in your rivers, fall into your unfurnished plateaus. Let me have it all, it is my treasure and I marvel at its beauty, oh how beautiful you have proven to be. I await my place next to you as we hibernate in shallow ground, with no assurance of our survival. Seasons will never be still, the reality of you a dream to be realised through His graces. Patiently I will pray,patiently I will dream, patiently I will love you and await the day I will make love to you.
My heart has many lovers, my mind entertains each like a different season. It smiles sometimes when it crosses their paths but its never consistent with its affection. It just invited a new one recently, excited by how he doesn’t mind me much. I guess it loves being challenged by ones ego yet it quickly bores when there is a mutual understanding of temperaments. I honestly never mind its dealings, displeased by its indecisiveness and lack of loyalty. I try fight its ways but more than half the time it wins these infinite battles. I have to watch as it parades its victory, lifting its different flags, ever changing in spirit and actions. Some though fly longer than others, some high than longer and some barely lifted off the ground. The criteria has never been clear to me, but with the mind it conjures up the ideal features, configuring the perfect partner. I laugh sometimes when its PAST suitors start speaking with such conviction, unaware that their reality is ambitions towards something that ceased without their knowledge. Some though may prolong this inevitable state, but eventually their words dig them deeper into their demise. I would advise them to stay a mystery but their hopes keep them longing for more, fighting to get further. I sometimes wish I could replace it with another, then maybe my life would reach a point of stability. My heart has many lovers, but with time they all become just another.