youth

We were never young were we, felt no struggle, the days were always sunny and rain brought needed rest days. We were never young were we, troubles of life our sphere; but we were dragons, breathing heat into every room we stepped into, some we warmed, some we burnt and left. Egotistic in our actions, conceited, untouchable, uncontrollable. We were never young were we, we had a reach to worlds we had never been to; erupting like volcanoes, burning down homes while we sat at the top of our thrones, careless in our actions, innocents collateral to our happiness. We were never young were we, where we were not suppose to enter we were carried in like egyptian queens, a weight on everyone’s shoulders, a burden of joy to those that lifted us, while they were undertakers to those they buried in the ground for our entertainment. Being naïve, what a glory, unmoved by the damage you cause, unaware of the hearts you break, your actions that bring destruction. We were young, we were blind, we were deaf, we were bold, we were ignorant, we coveted others property. We were powerful, but we were not aware of how damning our charisma was to those that were captured by its light. We were young, were were alive, we were in the moment, we were living and made no time for thinking. We are now because we were what we were then.

unfinished

Today I felt the utmost fear, the fear of losing myself. I cried during prayer, I cried while breathing, I’m crying while thinking. I woke up in a good state, but as my day progressed, or slowed down, I started to swallow myself. I suddenly feared losing my smile, I feared losing the truth, I feared losing my love, I feared being a corpse with no spirit. You start to not see your place in the world, I laugh now, but earlier I felt like I was digging my own grave; I momentarily drifted away from myself and became a worldly entity. I was alone, but so consumed with what I should be, where I should be in the standards of this earth. Fear will lead you to the darkest of alleys, to think I almost had a pity party. I know I needed this day though, feels like it was a reflection of the ‘me’ on the other side.

Kendrick Lamar

‘His smile is a contagious thing that swallows up his face, pushing his cheeks up and out, his eyes into little slits. It’s a smile that’s thinking, searching, connecting, communicating.’ 🙂

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